Velocijakked: Episode 3

Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman on commentary.

Segment 1: CM Punk promo in-ring with Paul Heyman. Punk says that he's just one week away from an entire year as WWE Champion. Think about all the stuff that happens in that time-span, he says. I get another year closer to the Hall of Fame. Vince gets another year closer to retirement, hopefully. And after Sunday, John Cena gets another year closer to having his entire career under my control. I decide if he gets another title shot - and obviously, he'll never have one again, because I'm holding onto this belt forever. I'm going to be a better champion than Cena ever was! Cena runs to the ring angrily after the beatdown last week and Paul Heyman gets in between the two. He tells Cena to calm down because he clearly didn't read the fine print of the contract that they signed backstage - because contract signings on TV are dumb. If either man lays a hand on the other, they forfeit their match and in Punk's case, the WWE title. But CM Punk is a man of integrity and would never do that sort of thing. Heyman says that instead, each man tonight will pick an opponent for the other. Punk says he's already made his choice. Tonight's main event will be John Cena... vs Rey Mysterio. Cena looks confused as Punk walks to the back.

Segment 2: Cena walking backstage, he bumps into Rey. He asks Rey if he knew about their match tonight and Rey says he didn't, he was concentrating on getting ready for his match with Sin Cara against the Usos at Survivor Series. The two shake hands.

Segment 3: Tyson Kidd and Ted DiBiase vs The Usos. The commentators discuss Kidd and DiBiase getting along because of their mutual interests - they hate Ezekiel Jackson and were dismissive of William Regal. They're not quite as cohesive of a unit as the Usos are though who look great as they win and roll on to Survivor Series.

Segment 4: Michael McGillicutty in the locker room getting ready when Tyson Kidd and Ted DiBiase walk in. They wish him luck with his match tonight against Zeke but say if they couldn't take him down, no-one can.

Segment 5: Ezekiel Jackson vs Michael McGillicutty. The commentators put over Zeke's wins in the past two weeks over Tyson Kidd and Ted DiBiase. The match goes similarly and eventually Zeke's strength is once again too much, as he hits the Book-of-Ezekiel-End and gets the 123. He celebrates but from behind William Regal attacks Zeke! Zeke crawls around trying to recover but Regal hits the Knee Trembler and then pulls out the brass knuckles and knocks out Zeke. McGillicutty, who's crawled up the ramp at this point, looks back at Regal standing tall as Kidd and DiBiase also come out to watch. Regal grabs a mic and says "if no-one else is going to take care of this imbecile, I guess I'll have to do it at Survivor Series."

Segment 6: Cena backstage when Zack Ryder walks up. Ryder says that he really didn't get a chance to fight last week and he really wants a shot at Punk. Cena clearly isn't sure, umming and ahhing. Ryder says please John, gimme a chance, I can help you out, I mean I'm the Internet Champion! Cena chuckles and says if you want a shot at Punk, fine, you can face him tonight. Ryder jumps up and down in joy as he runs to the locker room to get ready.

Segment 7: We head to the ring for the new talk show segment, 'Camacho Comes Alive!'. He introduces the show and points us to the moderately priced Jeritron 20, which is sitting on a stool, where in black and white we see grainy clips of Heath Slater singing. The audio is mostly crackling noises. Slater is his guest and he asks where Camacho got that footage from, ejecting the VHS out of the base of the Jeritron 20 and running away, screaming "OUR SINGLE ISN'T READY YET BAYBAY". Camacho shrugs and dissolves into a pool of metallic liquid like in Terminator.

Segment 8: In our 9/10 oclock spot, CM Punk vs Zack Ryder. John Cena is out first to be on commentary. Cena is slightly angry while on commentary and this comes to the forefront when we get near the end of the match. Punk is dominating Ryder for the majority of the contest before getting on a bit of a roll. He goes for the Broski Boot but misses, and Punk gets up. Cena stands up from his chair to yell at Punk and Punk yells back. Cena moves towards the ring, drawing the referee's attention, and Ryder rolls up Punk for what looks like it could've been a three! Ryder goes over to Cena to tell him to sit down and gets caught by Punk who hits the GTS but thinks that isn't enough and locks in the Anaconda Vise, forcing Ryder to tap. Punk grabs his title and backs up the ramp as Cena stands at the side of the ring closest to the ramp staring, with Ryder in pain in the background.

Segment 9: Punk in the parking lot still trying to leave with his title, as ace reporter Camacho approaches him. Punk says "aren't you a liquid now?" as he gets in his bus. Camacho becomes self-aware, realising that he is a replicant and runs off screen screaming.

Segment 10: Sin Cara vs JTG. Sin Cara puts on an impressive performance in defeating JTG, who can't seem to buy a win. After the match the Usos run out and attack Sin Cara though and for the second time, put him through a table. Rey runs out after they have done this, clearly mid-way through getting his gear ready for his match later tonight, and can only watch as the Usos escape through the crowd. He yells "NOOOOOOO DAWG" to the sky as the top-down camera spirals upwards and away.

Segment 11: Main event! John Cena vs Rey Mysterio. This gets 20-25 minutes and is a PPV-quality match. CM Punk comes out a few minutes into the contest to join the commentators and acts just like a normal commentator, ignoring questions about Cena. For your finish, Cena sets up for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but when bouncing off the ropes near the commentators, Punk grabs his foot to try and trip him up. Rey rolls Cena up for a 12no. Rey sends Cena onto the second rope and Punk tries to hold Cena down for the 619 but Cena escapes and grabs Rey as he swings around to kick him, AA, 123 Cena over. Punk scowls and walks up the ramp as Cena grabs a mic. He says he doesn't want to wait until Survivor Series. Punk says "you can't lay a hand on me!" but Cena says "I know. But you didn't say anything about a chair." Cena runs out of the ring, grabs a chair and chases after Punk. We cut backstage to see Punk getting in the bus and yelling at the driver to go. Cena with the chair runs straight at the door, swinging the chair and smashing the door window as the bus starts to pull away. He continues to hit the windows on the side of the bus as the bus eventually gets away.