TLC

PRE-SHOW Before the macth wade talks with king about how to beat Camacho  King say I dont want to hel you.  Wade says you dont want to or you cant.  Which is is, have you forgotten more about wrestling than Camacho know, or have you just forgotten that you USED to be a wrestler.  King says whatever, you know his weekness is muble muble muble and we cut off scene

Wade Barrett vs Camacho. Match match match wade wins seemingly using advice from King, king seems excited at first then calms down and goes back to commentary. Camacho lies in pain on the ramp until a swarm of killer bees fly him away.

Tag titles 3 way Priom epico- PTP- rhodes Scholars match match match  all teams looking out for team hell no.  Primo on top rope to splash rhodes though a table but the other 3 turnbuckles kane pyro goes off scaring primo and he falls back thorough a table and the match is called and the ref gives it to
Rhodes Scholars.  Hell no at top of the ramp and  rhodes Scholars run though crowd to get away.

BACKSTAGE - Zack Ryder getting ready when John Cena comes in. He apologises for not realising that Punk ruined their match at the end of the Gauntlet last week on Velocijakked. Ryder says it's OK, he couldn't have known. He asks Cena to be at ringside tonight in case Punk tries anything this time and Cena is more than happy to.

FANDANGO vs BRODUS
fandango dances to the ring and gives LILLIAN a rose like always
finally brodus gets to beat up fandango
wrestle wrestle
sheplex
but lillian grabs brodus’ leg and trips him
cha cha cha
123
fandango over
lillian in to dance with him on her own this time

Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara vs The Usos. It's a rematch from Survivor Series and it goes remarkably similarly to that match. Sin Cara is still hurt but he gets the hot tag to Rey who cleans house and hits a 619 on Jey. Jimmy runs in to try and stop it but Sin Cara comes in and fights him off. They brawl, still in the ring, as Rey goes up to the top rope to drop the dime. Sin Cara seems to not realise Rey is up there as he runs at the ropes to try and bounce off and hit Jimmy, causing Rey to lose his balance and fall into the ring! Roll-up, 123 heels go over. Sin Cara waves his arms around seeming to be angry at his mistake as the Usos escape with another win.

devas titel tag eve kaitlyn v tamina and layal match mathc match tamina puts eve though a table but the refs\'s back is turned and when tamina spins him around layala is on top or eve for the pin.  Layla celebrates with tamina but tamina looks suspicious.

Backstage vickie yells at Teddy that swoggle must be barred as hes driving her nuts like last week the flower thing, as in walks swoggle in a suit listening to a headset walkman.  He takes off the headset and says sorry I was just listening to this great tape, you wanna hear it Teddy?  Vickie says “I was just telling Teddy that I loved the end of last weeks Axesexx heat, it was so funny, were so glad you are here right teddy right? Were all pals here!” And she walks off laughing nerviously.  Swoggle makes the coo coo sign then tells teddy he needs to hear this.  He puts the earphones on teddy head and teddy says “ooo dubstep, I love this stuff” as the 2 dance to end of the bit.

backstage dolph comes out of gm otunga’s office
he tells aj he just had to dot some “i”s and cross some “t”s

chairs match
SHEAMUS vs ALEX RILEY
chairs stuff
riley makes sheamus bleed
sheamus makes riley bleed
but eventually bro kick into a chair in riley’s face
123 sheamus over

3MB (Heath Slater, Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal) vs Ted DiBiase, Tyson Hart and Joe Hennig with William Regal. It's the first time that these six are simply in a match together without brawling and the class of DiBiase, Hart and Hennig is shown to be too strong for 3MB's musical talents. Hennig pins Mahal with the Perfectplex for the 123.

mitb ladder match for the briefcase
DOLPH vs RYBACK
all the usual ladder spots
AJ out to give dolph a kiss and a pair of handcuffs
chair shots to ryback
zig zag
dolph cuffs ryback to the ring barrier
dolph sets up the big ladder
but ryback picks up the ring barrier and brings it in the ring
he grabs dolph and puts him on the barrier
shellshocked ring barrier edition
ryback climbs the ladder still cuffed to the barrier
ryback gets the briefcase
wow

Show vs rtuth and gabriel Match of 2 high flyer beating up a monster but mid air collision and show gets a pin on Gabriel and show escapes up the ramp.  After the match Truth freaks out chairing Gabriel, putting  Gabriel though a table and then a huge spot off a ladder.  And then Gabriel has to be taken out on a stretcher

after big show wins
RYBACK out to cash in mitb
he calls show back into the ring
the ref is there
but DOLPH out to tell the ref to look in the briefcase
they open it and it’s DOLPH’S LUNCH - A SUBWAY SANDWICH
is it irony that ryback is on the subway commercials as their spokesperson?
probably not
I get it
the match was for the briefcase not the contract
dolph has the contract in hand
oh man he tricked ryback
ryback is livid but dolph is gone

VIGNETTE - We see a dark room with smoke slowly leaking in and encompassing the screen. We hear whispers. They get louder and louder as the smoke fills more and more of the screen until everything cuts out. A pure black screen is shown as the voice of an old woman says, "The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches."

CM Punk (c) vs Zack Ryder w/John Cena, TLC Match for the WWE Championship. This match is all about Zack trying his absolute hardest to reach the pinnacle of wrestling and Punk realising that he can't entirely underestimate him. Cena mostly stays out of it for the initial parts of the contest. Zack puts his body on the line, hitting a moonsault from a ladder near the stage onto Punk who was lying on a table. Cena drags Zack's limp body after this towards the ring but Zack wakes up during this and gets Cena to stop because he wants to make it himself. He crawls towards and into the ring and begins to ascend the ladder. We see Punk stirring and trying to make his way towards the ring as Ryder is agonisingly slow in his climb. Vince yells "Come on kid! Make yourself famous!" when EVAN BOURNE runs in out of nowhere and pushes the ladder over towards the ramp, as Zack crashes through a pile of tables! Cena runs over to try and check on Zack but Bourne hits a Shooting Star from the top of the ladder in the ring onto Cena! All three men lie on the ramp as Punk crawls past them, into the ring, up the ladder and grabs his title. Punk retains.

Saturday Night Snapdragon: Episode 7

COLE and MAN 64 on commentary

RYBACK out
he says last week he pinned dolph ziggler
he wants the money in the bank briefcase
AJ out
she says it doesn’t work that way
dolph ziggler earned that briefcase
and dolph isn’t just going to give it to him
DOLPH out
he says let’s be fair
they talk about if he deserves a shot at the briefcase
GM OTUNGA out
he says ryback did beat dolph last week
but it’s up to dolph if he wants to put the briefcase on the line
aj doesn’t want him to do it
but dolph says ok I’ll do it
at the tlc pay per view
dolph ziggler vs ryback
for the money in the bank briefcase
in a ladder match

cole says the main event is
ryback and sin carl vs dolph and cesaro

ic champion MASON RYAN vs SANTINO
KOFI is at ringside watching ryan
cobra no
ryan grabs the cobra and uses it to choke santino
the ref takes it away from him and gets rid of it
but while he’s not looking ryan pokes santino in the eye
ryanaroo 123
ryan over
kofi goes in to the ring to talk to ryan

KOFI vs KHALI
mason ryan is at ringside but he looks reluctant to be there
cole says during the break kofi practically begged ryan to stay here during his match
punjabi plunge no
kofi goes into his tights for something
it’s a roll of coins but they spill all over the ring
kofi asks ryan what to do next
but when he turns around
chop 123 khali over

backstage TENSAI, HAWKINS, CHRISTIAN, and SAKAMOTO are having some kind of whispery meeting with ALICIA FOX

backstage BRODUS says he’s tired of waiting and wants fandango tonight
gm otunga says fine you got your match
but not tonight
it will be on sunday
man 64 is so excited by the big news of brodus vs fandango at tlc

FANDANGO out
he dances to the ring
grabs LILLIAN and dances with her and gives her a rose
FANDANGO vs SAKAMOTO
TENSAI, CHRISTIAN, and CURT HAWKINS watch backstage
I swear ALICIA FOX was using a sewing machine making some kind of green something
in the background
cha cha cha 123 fandango over

MIZ TV with ALEX RILEY
he is still all crazy and talks in detail about how he will hurt sheamus in their chairs match
he hits miz with a chair
again and again
SHEAMUS out for the save
but riley escapes through the crowd
miz gets up and says he wants a match against riley tonight

MIZ vs RILEY
SHEAMUS on commentary
miz is still too beat up from the chairs
rileyaroo 123
riley over
riley goes for another chair
but bro kick no
riley escapes

main event
CESARO and DOLPH with AJ vs RYBACK and SIN CARL
FU BUCKAROO to dolph
12no
aj in to jump on sin carl
DQ
shellshocked to dolph no
but ryback grabs the briefcase and holds it above his head
feed me more chants
the end

Velocijakked: Episode 7

Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman on commentary.

Segment 1: CM Punk promo in-ring. He talks about how by the time the Royal Rumble comes around, he will have been WWE Champion for over 400 days. He says how he doesn't know who his challenger is going to be at the Rumble but he's sure he'll take care of them easily. Zack Ryder interrupts. Ryder says that Punk's not going to be WWE Champion at the Rumble - he is. Punk and Paul Heyman look at each other and laugh, Heyman even falling to the mat laughing, clutching his stomach. Ryder says "I'm serious, bro!" but Punk just dismisses him, saying how he just won a battle royal to get his one shot - the one chance he'll ever get. Ryder reminds Punk that he beat him and Regal last week to make their match TLC. Punk says that he bets Ryder couldn't do it again, and Ryder says he'll take on anyone Punk chooses tonight. Punk says if you'll take anyone, you won't mind taking on not one, not two, but three people tonight in a Gauntlet Match.

Segment 2: Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre vs Ted DiBiase and Tyson Hart, with Jinder Mahal and Joe Hennig at ringside for their respective groups. The commentators remind us that these six face each other at TLC. The finish comes when Hennig tries to pass a chair through to DiBiase but Jinder stops him, causing a distraction, Slateraroo 123 3MB over. AND THEY HAVE THE MOMENTUM HEADING INTO THE PAY PER VIEW

Segment 3: Ace reporter Camacho in the ring for America's favourite talk show, Camacho Comes Alive! He welcomes his guests, Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara. They come out seperately and Sin Cara is limping after his past few weeks which included a beatdown before the #1 Contender's Battle Royal, from the Usos in the ring, and from the Usos in the trainer's room last week. Camacho asks Rey if he can let bygones be bygones with the Usos and Rey says no holmes, they took out my best bud, dawg, Sin Cara. Dawg. Camacho says well you'll have to for his other guests, the Usos! The two teams who'll face each other at TLC stand face to face and Rey asks why he'd bring both sides out when they clearly hate each other. Camacho says it's for his Most Interesting People episode. Rey is very confused and pulls at Camacho's face, which comes off revealing that he is actually Barbara Walters. Camacho then ascends into the rafters as a title card comes up that reveals that Camacho died on the way back to his home planet. Rey attacks the Usos first so Jey attacks him while Sin Cara, who'd been sitting in the corner, is attacked by Jimmy, and they brawl.

Segment 4: The JTG and Zeke are backstage talking to CM Punk. We don't hear the conversation but we see Punk and JTG shaking hands. WHAT COULD IT MEAN

Segment 5: Rey and Sin Cara in the back when the Usos walk in again. Trainers who are working on Sin Cara try to seperate the four but the Usos back off and say they don't want to beat up Rey and Sin Cara AGAIN, they want to beat them in the ring, tonight. Rey says he'll take on either one of them one on one tonight and Jimmy accepts.

Segment 6: John Cena arrives at the arena. Ace reporter Camacho asks why he showed up late and Cena says that he was off granting his millionth Make a Wish Wish. Camacho says that he also has a wish - he wishes he had a brain. Cena waves his magic wand and Camacho skips off screen. Zack Ryder walks by and Cena wishes Zack luck tonight in his Gauntlet Match, saying that he's had some luck with multi-man matches so he wants to give Zack some tips. Zack says he's alright, he just needs to concentrate, but Cena insists and they walk off talking about strategy.

Segment 7: Jimmy Uso vs Rey Mysterio, Jey and Sin Cara at ringside for their teammates. The experienced Rey goes over but as he gets the win Jey takes out Sin Cara at the sore knee on the outside and he and Jimmy are able to double team Rey and beat him down post-match.

Segment 8: And then it's your main event! Zack Ryder in a Gauntlet Match. CM Punk is on commentary and announces the first participant - Big Zeke! OH MAN WE THOUGHT HE WAS JUST TALKING TO JTG BUT IT WAS ACTUALLY ZEKE WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING. Zeke's strength proves initially problematic for Ryder but he eventually uses his quickness to overcome it, Rough Ryder, 123 Zack goes over. Punk quickly gets up and says fine, your next opponent is William Regal! Regal is clearly looking for revenge from last week. Hard-fought brawl and this time Ryder has to use his wits to stay ahead of the intelligent Brit. Regal goes for the brass knuckles but the ref stops him, and as the ref is giving the knuckles to the timekeeper Regal hits a low blow, 12no. Regal and Punk are both astonished. Regal goes for the Regal Stretch but Zack gets out of it, Rough Ryder, 123 Zack wins again! Punk on the mic clearly angry for a second but then evilly happy as he announces Zack's final opponent for the Gauntlet... John Cena. Cena takes a while coming out as he clearly wasn't ready to wrestle, but I guess the rules of gauntlet matches are inescapable. Ryder is tired but he and Cena shake hands and begin their match. Tough contest between the two with both men gaining the upper hand at times during the match. Your finish comes when Cena has Zack on the top rope nearest to the announce table about to go for a Super AA. Zack starts to fight out of it but William Regal runs out to try and distract Ryder. Cena sees him first and runs over to hit Regal. As he does this Punk runs out from behind the announce table and knees Zack in the face, leaving him loopy on the top rope and Cena comes back none the wiser to this. Super AA, 123, Cena goes over. He celebrates but checks on his buddy as Punk points and laughs while walking up the ramp. The titantron shows the replay and Cena realises what happened and tries to apologise to Zack explaining he didn't know what happened. Fade to black.

Saturday Night Snapdragon: Episode 6

COLE and MAN 64 on commentary
they remind us that the main event tonight is RYBACK vs DOLPH ZIGGLER

SIN CARL out
the green lights are on
he comes out on a horse
it’s still funny to see a cowboy hat on a masked wrestler
he does 18 flips in the air and into the ring
SIN CARL vs MIZ
scf no
fu buckaroo
123 sin carl gets a huge win
miz looks shocked and defeated
sin carl celebrates
DOLPH OUT
zig zag to sin carl
huge boos
poor sin carl

earlier today BRODUS asks GM OTUNGA for a match with fandango tonight
otunga says if he can beat alberto del rio tonight he’ll consider it

DEL RIO and RICARDO walking

DEL RIO with RICARDO vs BRODUS CLAY
armbreaker no
splash 123
brodus over
FANDANGO out to jump brodus
but headbutt to the gut knocks fandango out of the ring
the commentators mention that brodus clay can’t wait to get his hands on fandango

SHEAMUS out
he says he gives alex riley credit for actually being relevant again
but after the next pay per view riley will be on the injured list
riley on the tron
he says that he thinks he knows what sheamus is getting at
SANTINO is on the ground backstage with riley
riley hits santino in the leg five times with a steel chair
and says I’ll fight you at TLC
in a chairs match
sheamus runs backstage to help santino
when he gets there riley is already gone
he bends down to help santino and gets smacked over the back with a chair by riley
he hits him a few times
trainers in to get riley away and help santino

non title match
CESARO vs CHRISTIAN
spear no
ring post
neutralizer
123 cesaro over
TENSAI, SAKAMOTO, and CURT HAWKINS out to help christian to the back
weird
cesaro cuts a promo about how nobody can beat him
and he will be united states champion forever

BOY 1 with DOLPH and AJ
stuff and things and he will beat ryback tonight

backstage KOFI finds MASON RYAN
he says he’s going to level with him
he wants to learn
ryan doesn’t know what he’s talking about
kofi says like you
the tricks
the technique
ryan says there’s no tricks he’s just good
kofi says I know you’re good that’s why I want you to teach me how to do it
ryan says he has a match to go to and leaves

non title match
KHALI already in the ring vs ic champion MASON RYAN
kofi on the ramp taking notes again
ryan messes with the turnbuckle and the ref goes to fix it
he grabs a roll of quarters out of his trunks and clocks khali
123 ryan steals one
kofi looks at ryan and smiles and says that’s what I’m talking about

backstage TENSAI, CHRISTIAN, HAWKINS and SAKAMOTO talk quietly
they seem to have some kind of weird pact
who knows
GM OTUNGA walks by and just shakes his head at them and leaves

MAIN EVENT
DOLPH with AJ vs RYBACK
sleeper but ryback reverses it into the backpack stunner
meathook no
dolph slides out of the ring
he grabs the briefcase and tries to leave with aj
SIN CARL out
flying head scissors to dolph throwing him back into the ring into a meathook
shellshocked 123 ryback over
the end

Velocijakked: Episode 6

Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman on commentary.

Segment 1: CM Punk vs Sin Cara. Heyman explains that Punk handpicked his opponent tonight because he felt like giving Sin Cara a chance at the longest reigning WWE Champion of the modern era. Vince asks if Punk picked him because of his injury and Heyman is disgusted at the idea. Sin Cara doesn't put up too much of a fight due to his bad leg, Punk over.

Segment 2: Punk still in the ring and he grabs a mic and talks about what a great champion he is. He says that there's no way that he'll lose to that YouTube kid at TLC because he's the Best in the World. Zack Ryder interrupts. Ryder says that he's not just a Twitter account anymore. He's a real threat to Punk's title reign. He says he can see in Punk's eyes that he thinks he could lose - he says, "You know it, bro." Punk says that they haven't even decided the stipulation yet for their match. He says that if Zack can beat a hand-picked opponent of his tonight, he can choose the stip. If not, Punk chooses. Zack says he'll take on anyone and Punk suggests William Regal, which Zack is very excited about because he didn't get to finish his match with Regal last week. John Cena out. Cena calls Punk yellow for not facing Zack himself. Punk says "I just wrestled, John - and much better than you could, I might add". Cena clucks like a chicken. Zack goes over to him and says that he's got this but Cena ignores Zack and tries to goad Punk into facing Zack. Punk says "you know what? If these people get the pleasure of seeing me wrestle again, they deserve the punishment of seeing you as well. William Regal and I against you two, tonight!" Cena is thrilled and Zack is a bit less excited.

Segment 3: Rey and Sin Cara in the back. Rey tells Sin Cara that he's got to take it easy because he got them a rematch with the Usos for TLC. Sin Cara points at his head acting as if he knows that. The Usos run in though and attack both men, and they all brawl in the doctor's room before being seperated.

Segment 4: The JTG and Big Zeke vs Drew McIntyre and Jinder Mahal of 3MB. JTG plays the scared heel in this match and keeps tagging in Zeke as soon as the faces get a few moves in on him. Drew and Jinder work well together and they eventually have the advantage but Ted DiBiase, Tyson Hart and Joe Hennig in to cause the DQ. Heath Slater runs out to even it up and the faces fight off the heels.

Segment 5: Ryder and Cena in the back getting ready for their match. Ryder asks why Cena came out because he had that, bro! Cena says that he needs to weaken Punk a little bit before TLC so he can have a better chance. Ryder asks if Cena really thinks he needs that? And Cena stutters saying "no no no, I didn't mean it like that, you don't need it, but it can only help!" Ryder says OK, let's just win tonight. They high five.

Segment 6: Heath Slater vs Joe Hennig with William Regal at ringside. Evenly fought contest but near the end Regal tries to slip Hennig the brass knuckles to knock out Slater. McIntyre and Mahal run out and take Regal out which distracts Hennig, roll-up, 123 Slater steals one. Hart and DiBiase run down to try and beat down Slater but again the two groups brawl and again the faces fight off the heels. This time Slater grabs a mic and says "we've done this twice baybay, so let's make it three with the 3MB! We'll face you three at TLC!" The heels nod in acceptance and Slater gets out a notepad from his trunks because he was really proud of those rhymes.

Segment 7: Ace reporter Camacho with CM Punk in the back. Punk explains to Camacho that he's been WWE Champion for 381 days, and asks, do you know how long that is? Camacho starts to count using his hands and gets to ten, then takes his shoes off where we see that Camacho's feet are covered in hundreds of toes and look like sea urchins. Punk leaves, disgusted, as Camacho bites one off and eats it.

Segment 8: Main event! CM Punk and William Regal vs John Cena and Zack Ryder. Evenly fought contest but Punk tries to avoid Cena somewhat and he and Regal take advantage of Ryder's inexperience. Ryder gets the hot tag to Cena who tries to clean house but gets cocky going for Punk who's standing on the apron, who pulls down the top rope and sends Cena tumbling out of the ring. Cena then needs to make the hot tag to Ryder and does and as Punk and Cena brawl on the outside, Broski Boot and the Rough Ryder, 123 Ryder pins Regal! He grabs a mic and says how he's going to make his friends proud. Because they love acronyms on the LI - so he wants to make their match TLC. Punk laughs evilly on the ramp as Ryder looks determined as we fade to black.

Saturday Night Snapdragon: Episode 5

COLE and MAN 64 on commentary

DOLPH ZIGGLER out with AJ
he has the money in the bank briefcase in his hand
he says tonight I’m going to do something shocking
something none of you would have ever expected
I’m announcing the time
and the place for my...
FEED ME MORE
RYBACK out to interrupt
again he looks at dolph then at the briefcase then back at dolph
aj makes the googly eyes at ryback to try to calm him down
but it’s just a distraction
dolph jumps ryback
but ryback no sells it
shellshocked no
dolph escapes with aj
since ryback is already in the ring he has a match

handicap match
RYBACK vs CURT HAWKINS and SAKAMOTO
TENSAI watches backstage
MAN 64 suggests that maybe tensai is concerned for sakamoto
meathook clothesline to hawkins
then to sakamoto
stacks em up for double shellshocked
123 ryback squash

BOY 1 with SHEAMUS
sheamus has a bandage on his head
recap of last week’s alex riley beatdown on sheamus with a chair
tonight it’s sheamus and a partner of his choice against alex riley and antonio cesaro
santino in and he wants a chance to fight cesaro
sheamus says he’d be willing to take them both on himself since he loves to fight
but santino will do just fine

backstage sakamoto is hurt from getting shellshocked by ryback
hawkins in and says he’s sick of losing every week
tensai in and he starts to tell them something
then pushes the camera man outside the room and closes the door

ic champion MASON RYAN vs KHALI
non title match
kofi comes out to watch
he has a notepad and a pen
he is taking notes on the match
masonaroo no
khali is too big and awkward
thumb to the eye behind the ref’s back
mason uses the ropes for leverage
123 mason over
kofi takes more notes

backstage GM OTUNGA with DEL RIO and FANDANGO and RICARDO
tonight it will be brodus clay vs fandango in a dance-off
fandango is happy with this, puts a rose in his mouth and dances around

BRODUS CLAY already in the ring
FANDANGO out with DEL RIO and RICARDO
fandango gives LILLIAN a rose
del rio says it’s time for a dance contest
BRODUS vs FANDANGO dance-off
the wwe universe decides the winner
brodus dances his usual dactyls with some gangnam style horse riding thrown in
the crowd cheers
fandango’s turn
he does his salsa dance and asks lillian to dance with him
she reluctantly does it
the crowd boos
del rio says now it’s time to ask the crowd who they think is best
even though he knows they are classless peons with no taste
will it be brodus clay?
the crowd cheers
or fandango?
the crowd boos
del rio says I think the winner is clear
and throws ricardo into brodus
he headbutts ricardo in the gut
sending him to the floor
brodus grabs fandango and del rio
he knocks their heads together and throws them out of the ring
brodus’ music plays and the heels crawl away

backstage CHRISTIAN in the locker room
tensai in with hawkins and sakamoto and again they close the door
kicking out the cameraman

SIN CARL out
yeehaw
green lights
the horse entrance
the 18 flips
this guy is great and now the crowd loves him
SIN CARL vs DOLPH ZIGGLER with AJ
wow this is a pretty big match for sin carl to be getting already
flips and stunts and nonsense
but oh wait of course it’s interrupted by ryback
dq
aj throws the briefcase to dolph
dolph swings at ryback and misses
sin carl flips on to dolph and hurricanranas him out of the ring
ryback picks up the briefcase and holds it up in the air

backstage dolph asks GM otunga for a match against ryback next week on snapdragon
otunga says ok

main event
ANTONIO CESARO and ALEX RILEY vs SHEAMUS and SANTINO
wrestle wrestle
cobra to cesaro
bro kick no
alex riley in with a steel chair
dq faces over
riley pummels sheamus with a chair again
sheamus bleeds again
crazy alex riley is yelling and smiling
the end

Velocijakked: Episode 5

Vince McMahon and Paul Heyman on commentary.

Segment 1: Zack Ryder promo in-ring. Zack comes out with the Internet Title around his waist. He gets in the ring and says remember this? We cut to the first week of Velocijakked where he came out, made a challenge for anyone to face him for the Internet Championship and no-one responded. Zack says that no-one has ever taken him seriously. When he was on ECW, he had to deal with idiotic management. Then he tried to make himself into a star on Raw, but again had to deal with dumb management. (All the internet fans at this point are all excited thinking he's shooting because they are silly like that.) But Zack says he's always had one talent - Battle Royals. Maybe it was all those old Royal Rumble VHSes he used to watch. But now he got the chance he needed and he has a shot at the WWE Title. A real title. He lays down the Internet Championship in the middle of the ring and says it's going the way of the European Title. Because now he needs to be serious. John Cena out. Cena runs in and hugs Zack, congratulating him and saying how happy he is that he won last week. Zack thanks him but Cena keeps talking about how he's going to have to help train him and get him ready for Punk. CM Punk interrupts, once again sarcastically clapping. Punk grabs the mic... and points and laughs at Zack. And then he leaves. Cena tells Zack that he's in the main event tonight against William Regal.

Segment 2: Joe Hennig vs Drew McIntyre. William Regal accompanies Hennig. The re-packaged McGillicutty has clearly found new life under Regal's wing and pins McIntyre after a PerfectPlex.

Segment 3: Rey Mysterio in the locker room pacing. Sin Cara walks in and Rey asks where he's been all week. Sin Cara points to his leg, which has a knee brace. Rey says, "oh, because of the attack last week! Are you all better now?" he asks and in response Sin Cara points at Rey and himself, demonstrating that they're still a tag team. Rey says great and they get ready for their match which is next.

Segment 4: Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara, still limping slightly, vs Zeke and JTG. Rey dominates in the early going over JTG and tags in Sin Cara but he's noticeably impacted by his knee. JTG gets the tag to Zeke and Zeke dominates Sin Cara for a while. Eventually Sin Cara gets a chance to make the hot tag to Rey after some flips but the Usos run out and beat down Rey, including throwing him into the barricade! Book-of-Ezekiel-End, 123 Zeke and JTG go over. Sin Cara lies in the ring still hurt from Zeke's finisher, unable to help Rey as the Usos stand tall over him on the outside.

Segment 5: Ace reporter Camacho in the back as he welcomes the victorious team of Zeke and JTG. Zeke stands with his arms crossed behind JTG who tells Regal that they're sick of being afterthoughts. JTG pulls off his normal jacket and puts on a white one, and re-introduces his bodyguard, Zeke, and himself as The JTG. Camacho is stunned by this as they walk away, his jaw literally dropping to the floor and smashing into hundreds of smaller marble pieces.

Segment 6: The Billion Dollar Man Ted DiBiase vs Jinder Mahal. William Regal accompanies DiBiase. The commentators do not mention at any point the terrible dumb feud between these two from Smackdown last year. DiBiase over with the Million Dollar Dream.

Segment 7: Zack Ryder in the back, pacing, just repeating "serious... serious... serious" to himself.

Segment 8: Sin Cara in the doctor's room in the back as Rey asks him how he's going. Sin Cara points at his leg and points at Rey! Rey says "no dawg, it wasn't my fault! The Usos attacked me holmes!" Sin Cara points at his eyes and shrugs.

Segment 9: Tyson Hart vs Heath Slater. William Regal, Joe Hennig and Ted DiBiase all accompany Hart. Hart over with the Sharpshooter and Regal and his young bucks get in the ring after the match to beat down Slater some more. As they do this Regal grabs a mic and proclaims that "as a proper British gentleman, he is above all of this '3MB' rubbish! These three fine young upstanding men are the future of this company and I am the present-" before he's interrupted by McIntyre and Mahal trying to make the save. He hits McIntyre with the microphone though and 3MB are all beaten down as the heels stand tall.

Segment 10: Ace reporter Camacho catches up with Zack Ryder before his big match in the main event. He asks him, "Are you serious, bro?" and Ryder says, "Yes." Camacho chuckles but then can't stop coughing before realising that the Chestburster from Alien is the reason why as it jumps out of his chest cavity and runs away.

Segment 11: Main event! Zack Ryder vs William Regal with Hart, DiBiase and Hennig. Those three by the way are not referred to by a stable name or anything to focus on their individual characteristics. Throughout the match Regal's men keep looking as if they're going to interfere but Ryder ignores them to focus on his match. They keep doing this until John Cena comes out and approaches them to tell them to stop. They attack Cena and their brawl spills into the ring, knocking over the ref who calls for the bell. All six men brawl and CM Punk runs out to try and join in. Cena throws out the young guys though and has a staredown with Punk. Punk flees the ring. Meanwhile Ryder is in the corner setting Regal up for the Rough Ryder. Cena turns around and sees Regal groggy in the middle of the ring, and picks him up and hits the AA! He does the hand things that he does to the crowd as his music hits. Ryder stands over Regal while Punk stands on the ramp as we fade to black.